Comments on Is There Any Mommy Out There?: Delightful

Eating, loving, singing and digesting are, in actu...

2010-04-18T04:39:51.583-07:00

Eating, loving, singing and digesting are, in actuality, the four acts of the comic opera known as life, and they pass like bubbles of a bottle of champagne. Whoever lets them tell without having enjoyed them is a entire fool.

Jokes of the proper friendly, appropriately told, ...

2010-04-17T23:48:04.164-07:00

Jokes of the proper friendly, appropriately told, can do more to enlighten questions of politics, stoicism, and pamphlets than any crowd of doltish arguments.

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2009-11-28T21:56:42.541-08:00

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Great post, Stacey. I've not been reading much ...

2009-11-21T12:57:01.281-08:00

*Great* post, Stacey. I've not been reading much of anything lately and have spent some time today catching back up on your stuff. Love it! I posted a link to this one on my FB page, I just think it's an awesome reminder to us as mommies AND as humans. :) xoxo Nis

This is a beautiful post. I just love the idea of...

2009-11-17T12:05:46.193-08:00

This is a beautiful post. I just love the idea of delighting in our children. There are days that I know I haven't done it at all and I want to work on that.

Hopefully that will help me with Lion when he comes home.

I've been having conversations lately about perfec...

2009-11-17T09:12:02.581-08:00

I've been having conversations lately about perfectionism with other adoptive moms and it's something I see in the Tongginator. So now? I praise her for her heart and the good choices she makes, but I also sometimes just surprise her with, "I love that you know know me so well, you know that I'm grumpy when I first wake up. And I love that I know you so well, I know how frustrated you get when your hair gets tangled." Stuff like that. I also don't praise grades in school - I praise how much she is learning.

Just listening to her - REALLY listening - and asking about her emotions... well... that goes a long way. Finding shared activities that we BOTH enjoy - that encourages a strong bond as well.

And our "I love you to the moon and back" first morphed into "I love you as colorful as a rainbow" and all sorts of girly ideas, but recently became "I love you Google much." Because the Tongginator? Just learned what a google is (the number, not the search engine).

This is sooo good. I'm glad I came back to read it...

2009-11-17T04:16:23.749-08:00

This is sooo good. I'm glad I came back to read it in the quiet. My prayer for my day is that I will delight in my kids and I will show it.

My prayer for my baby waiting in a Rwandan orphanage: may someone be there to laugh out loud with his giggles, to whisper in his ear that he is the cutest there, to teach him how to trumpet like an elephant and then reward him with praise ...

As usual your post is right on for all of us mommi...

2009-11-16T18:33:22.628-08:00

As usual your post is right on for all of us mommies out here.

The saddest thing I find about the delight my 2 year old and I have with each other is that he won't have memories of it (per se). Its unconditional delight right now - we have so much fun. But as he gets older, I'm sure it gets more complicated, and the memories that he will remember and carry with him will be the more complicated ones. Not the pure delight ones that we have now building "heavy heavy" towers, or playing with Bamman (Thomas) the train, or going "outdide!" to count the sprinkler heads.

My daughter is still little (14 mos.) so it's very...

2009-11-16T14:18:16.981-08:00

My daughter is still little (14 mos.) so it's very easy for me to constantly delight in her. I love this post though. Thanks for it.

I love this post. I've found that when I delight ...

2009-11-16T13:21:34.575-08:00

I love this post. I've found that when I delight in my children, they fight with each other less. They delight in each other, more.

Sometimes I forget, especially with Alison, who is, how shall I say... a force to be reckoned with at times. But she responds so much better to me, to my requests, she smiles so much more, when she sees my eyes light up over her.

I know you were asking about older children, speci...

2009-11-16T05:37:00.172-08:00

I know you were asking about older children, specifically, but this morning, after a looong weekend at a conference with my husband (to which we brought our baby, which meant that I ended up holding him 99% of the time and he is a seventeen pound four month old...) my son decided that 5:15am was a glorious time to be awake. And then was mad for a couple hours that we weren't. When I finally did turn the lights on a 6:45am, I was angry. Tired and angry, and not even my son's timid grins could pull me out of my frustration and exhaustion. He laid there, with leftover tears in his eyes, waffling between a little smile and a sad face, trying to see if he could save the morning. So your post came at the right time.

When I read it, though, specifically what Dr. Hoffman said, in my mind my "aha" moment did go back to my faith. We live in a broken world, we all need something bigger than ourselves and we all yearn to be loved. For me, God is the one that makes sense of these things. He is the one that can offer me hope in my most frustrating moments. I know, it sounds so hokey, but I needed to remember that this morning when I was mad. God never loses his patience with me, and how thankful am I for that!

I was trying to comment on the haircut post but th...

2009-11-16T05:30:43.985-08:00

I was trying to comment on the haircut post but there wasn't any link to comments. Isn't blogger delightful?
Anyway, he is so adorable with that cut. But I know the pain of thinking they look too grownup!

Yet again your post makes so many things click in ...

2009-11-15T23:19:31.668-08:00

Yet again your post makes so many things click in my head in regards to my stepson.
I have so much to learn.

You're right - it is easier with the littler ones....

2009-11-15T19:56:48.805-08:00

You're right - it is easier with the littler ones. Especially when you have older ones too, because then the baby seems even more babyish in contrast. So with my older two, I make sure that no matter what the day looked like - no matter what the moments leading up to bedtime looked like! - that I end the day with a grateful (and delightful) exchange. Every night before they go to sleep, they hear clear as a bell that I think they are the shiniest star to blaze through the night and that I love them more than I can bear.

And while a nice wrap-up at the end of the day doesn't make up for my impatience or crabbiness (or their disrespect, etc) during the day, it reattaches us each and every night.

YOU are delightful :) i see this in my nephew. h...

2009-11-15T19:56:33.102-08:00

YOU are delightful :)

i see this in my nephew. his mom would be considered in the addict/depressed category. seeing the changes in him while living with us is awesome. we're helping this one person become a better person, and he'll help other people become better people.

i love this post. OH! and i find him delightful all the time. i kiss him and squish his cheeks! this 13 year old stands it. hugs back. but i think we still have the benefit of being "shiny and new". i hope he lets us squish him and kiss him when he's older. like 27.

Thank you. You've just given me something to blog...

2009-11-15T19:33:00.787-08:00

Thank you. You've just given me something to blog about. (Whew!!) NaBloPoMo is NOT my friend, but Anymommy is!! :-)

I write my older kids notes in their lunch boxes. ...

2009-11-15T18:56:13.500-08:00

I write my older kids notes in their lunch boxes. "You are a beautiful butterfly." "You make my heart happy." "You are so smart! I'm proud of you."

I laugh with them when they're being silly and clever.

I let them hear me tell others how proud I am of things they've done.

I love this post. So true. I still want to be delighted in. That's part of the reason why I blog. I like people commenting and telling me I'm fantastic.

Yay...open comments! I finally got around to read...

2009-11-15T18:47:10.203-08:00

Yay...open comments! I finally got around to reading blogs again and your comments were closed. Imagine my devastation.

I think as they become older they understand more deeply the delight in simple things. My 10-year-old (10 today--oh my!) understands the little things: why that when I bring work home, I won't do it until they're in bed; that when I iron his already ironed shirt in the morning (even though we're running late), it's because I know he likes it fresh and warm; that even though I know he could read that Harry Potter book forward and backward by himself, we sit down and do it together.

I don't think it takes much. It's the relief in your face when you see them after a tough day, the extra tight hug you give them at bedtime because you lost your temper with them earlier, and it's when you laugh at their knock-knock jokes not because they're actually funny but because the fact that they think they're so hysterical is incredibly delightful.

I hope you'll mark this one as a favorite post. I...

2009-11-15T18:26:22.879-08:00

I hope you'll mark this one as a favorite post. It has a message for all parents - birth or heart-born parents. As the parent of 15, 12 & 9 year old boys I too sometimes find it difficult if not impossible to delight in my children or the energy to delight to in my wonderful husband. Thank you,thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Wonderful post. First Kym's passport children and...

2009-11-15T18:17:03.552-08:00

Wonderful post. First Kym's passport children and now this.

I don't know, and my son's just 2. To be honest, to the extent that I succeed at this, particularly the delighting part, it's due in no small degree to the fact that I am not a SAHM. So that's probably not too helpful an insight.

On a lighter note, thanks for the pic of the natty pants!!! Love 'em!

I delight in you. I studied attachment in grad sc...

2009-11-15T17:33:40.624-08:00

I delight in you.

I studied attachment in grad school. Some of the simplest things we do are at the core of validating our children.

When we repeat their words back to them--or even just sounds--it shows we are listening and giving our attention.

When we validate their feelings "Did that make you sad?" It shows that we understand what they feel inside, and that it matters.

In this same way, disorganized attachment stems from invalidating a child's earliest most basic needs. A child holding their tummy and pointing to the fridge saying "I'm hungry" that is scolded because it isn't mealtime, for instance. The child's experience of the world gets confused at the most basic level. This particular lecture made me sob, because Elliott was just a baby at the time.

I'll stop before I fill an entire blue book. Do blue books even exist anymore?

Beautiful, and very important post.

What a great post! I have three children, one of ...

2009-11-15T17:08:44.841-08:00

What a great post! I have three children, one of them is a newborn,and in the last few weeks I have had a really hard time finding delight in my whiny, disrespectful three year-old. I was so upset with myself for feeling this way about her. So I have been working very hard to spend some extra time with her to help find the delightful parts and it is working. It's still a daily struggle, but it is working and I can see how much she appreciates our special time together and what a difference it is making in our relationship. Each one of them is a miracle. It's hard to remember that when they're throwing tantrums, but it's so true. Thanks for helping us to remember.

Stacey, I'm a longtime reader and a sometime comme...

2009-11-15T15:28:35.146-08:00

Stacey, I'm a longtime reader and a sometime commenter. This struck a chord in me like you wouldn't believe. Thank you so much!

What a good idea and a nice reminder for all of us...

2009-11-15T14:31:11.411-08:00

What a good idea and a nice reminder for all of us-to try and find the delight even when the going is tough.
I try to get down to their eye level and make eye contact. That way, they know they are being heard. It gives them immense pleasure to know what they are saying is important.

I sent you an email a while ago about this attatch...

2009-11-15T14:02:11.325-08:00

I sent you an email a while ago about this attatchment thing...and after i got done pouring my heart out it said that your email address couldnt be found or some crap like that...but i totally get it ;O) Maybe if i have the email saved i'll resend it???