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If there is category for simultaneously failing at craftiness and parenting, I win.

I haven’t completely humiliated myself as a parent for your benefit in a while.

Back in December, when I had a mild obsession with terrorizing my children with the diabolical Elf on the Shelf, Jingles, I saw this on Pinterest.

It’s from the lovely site of Rae of Light Photography, where you will find the kind of stunning creativity coupled with gorgeous photography that can cause you to curl up into a little parenting ball of fail.   Never fear!  That kind of crippling superiority will never be found here.  You are very, very welcome. Notice, in this post highlighting Elf Rojos’ mischief, how the noses of the blue-eyed cherubs are dabbed red in adorably perfect little circles.

Very non-smeary.

I am sure that’s because the parent in charge of delightfully teasing her children by posing as a nose-painting  elf was very careful to use face paint or other appropriate crafting medii and some kind of clever circle template.

Yeah, well.  Leprechauns drink a little more than Christmas elves, on average, and then occasionally, as they are dying the milk green with food coloring, they get the brilliant idea to run upstairs with the bottle of green food coloring and dip a small paint brush directly into said bottle, which they were conveniently holding anyway, in order to enchantingly dabble green on their children’s noses.

It makes you want to burst into song, doesn’t it?  “One of these things, is not like the other, one of these things, is NOT the same!”

There really aren’t any words.  My crafting ineptitude can not be contained by mere human language.  My capacity for making others feel good about their parenting is really limitless, however.

I have to admit, I had no idea of the virulence and spreading power of food coloring.  I only dipped the paint brush once.  Also, I did learn from my initial error and kept my dabbling to a dull roar on the remainder of my children.  It’s the reason God gives us more than one offspring. Practice makes perfect.

Poor Gee.  It had mostly faded by school Monday morning. He was an excellent sport, which is a good life skill to foster.  And I have learned my lesson.  Pinterest is just for looking.  Better to leave the actual execution to the professionals.


P.S.  Our LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER Spokane table-read is Friday!  Wish us all luck. Or broken legs. Whichever.

P.P.S.  He promptly lost his first tooth.  The tooth fairy didn’t even THINK of painting anything. She didn’t even search “tooth fairy pranks.”  Smart girl, that tooth fairy.  Smarter than your average leprechaun.

34 Responses to If there is category for simultaneously failing at craftiness and parenting, I win.
  1. Kate Coveny Hood
    March 22, 2012 | 4:02 am

    That is adorable! Even if it did take a few days to wear off.

    Can’t wait to hear more about the table reading!

  2. Errin
    March 22, 2012 | 4:03 am

    I totally just peed my pants reading this.

  3. Sandy
    March 22, 2012 | 6:18 am

    I can’t stop laughing. My eyes are watering… You Naughy Mommy!

  4. Gayle
    March 22, 2012 | 7:48 am

    So… I shared the post with my 19-year old. Let me just say he busted a gut laughing about a (possibly-had-too-much-wine) mom sneaking around the house painting her kids’ faces. Totally something I would do…or may have done…so he thought it was cool. And thanks to you that conversation led into a whole spiel about going to college there, my family living near you, my great friends that are still there and how I would move there in a heartbeat and how much he would love it.

    You, lady, with you story led me to an awesome conversation with my own teen. Thanks!! :)

  5. Karina
    March 22, 2012 | 8:41 am

    I soon as I saw the words ‘food colouring’, I cringed! That stuff is a nightmare to wash off skin (as I’m sure you now know!)

    Am I the only one that finds that elf thing creepy as hell?

  6. Kathryn
    March 22, 2012 | 9:54 am

    OMG Stacey, thank you for starting my day off with a laugh! Just so you are not too hard on yourself, my Mom actually painted her face with it one Halloween to go with her Robin Hood costume.

  7. Varda (SquashedMom)
    March 22, 2012 | 11:17 am

    Wow! Undiluted food coloring and tipsy-mom-to-kid-face-painting? Pure comedic genius. What a funny idea for a cartoon or sitcom, because that kind of thing would never happen in real— oh, wait. Never mind. ;-)

    Love you, babe. And have a great time at your table read. Ours in NYC went off brilliantly, so excited as we count down (and work hard during) the month and a half now to the show. Starting to put up nearly daily “meet the cast” posts on the LTYM-NYC local site. Theater already 1/2 way to sold out, 3 days into ticket sales!

    It must be so exciting for you going into year 2, having some idea of what lies ahead but also knowing that each show will be a unique and beautiful experience in its own way.

  8. stacey@havoc&mayhem
    March 22, 2012 | 12:35 pm

    I would have used food coloring too. Or actual Crayola milk paint, which is also a paint to get off skin.

    You dyed the milk green? That’s one up on me. I figured I did 24 days of elf stuff and that fulfills my yearly “mischievous imaginary character” action quota

  9. Galit Breen
    March 22, 2012 | 12:53 pm

    Is it wrong that this post just makes me want to paint my littles’ noses? Yes? Just me?


    • Jennifer
      March 22, 2012 | 6:34 pm

      It makes me want to paint my little ones’ tiny noses, too! Great post :)

  10. Megan {{Millions of Miles}}
    March 22, 2012 | 1:52 pm

    Oh My Word!!!! Hilarious!

  11. Annie
    March 22, 2012 | 2:03 pm

    I’m rolling in laughter here. LOVE it. So real. Thanks for the smiles today : )

  12. Leah
    March 22, 2012 | 2:26 pm

    Too funny, the elf thing freaks me out so I have nothing to do with it. By the way you did notice the glitter pictures were outside, not a chance (and I like crafts) that I wanted all that glitter she got for Christmas in my house, this was the perfect way to have fun and dispose of alot of it in our lawn.

  13. JustTwoChicks
    March 22, 2012 | 2:55 pm

    Love it! Fun and oh what a surprise when they woke up! So cute :)

  14. Bobbie
    March 22, 2012 | 3:14 pm

    Too cute!

  15. Elaine
    March 22, 2012 | 6:58 pm

    Did you tweet that pic of him? I know I’ve seen it already! That would SO be me though…

    “Pinterest is just for looking” – ha ha ha!

  16. Joy
    March 22, 2012 | 7:53 pm

    Well the celtic grinch in our house (that would be me) doesn’t even do St. Patricks so you can hold your head one notch higher knowing that you actually let your children have fun…

  17. Sheila
    March 23, 2012 | 12:16 am

    That photo made me laugh out loud…and giggle every time I thought about it. Thank you.

  18. Louise
    March 23, 2012 | 12:49 am

    “Pinterest is just for looking” COULD NOT have said it better myself. You should have seen the “bunny cake” I attempted to make one year for Easter. my children (unconditionally loving as they are) were horrified and rendered speechless!

  19. Sharon
    March 23, 2012 | 2:17 am

    That was a much needed laugh. Thank you so much for sharing. Had my children slept in their beds the night before St. Patty’s day, I was armed with the spray on, wash out variety of green hair paint. I shudder to think of the horrid mess I would have made, and the screaming that probably would have come from the kids waking up to the shaking can/spraying sound that I inevitably would have made. Somehow the cosmos intervened and the kiddos conned the grands into a sleep over at their house and all I got to do was dye the milk and lemonade green. My husband was horrified when he poured milk into his cereal bowl in the AM. Not nearly as great as your prank, I think it is totally awesome and may you have many more. That is definitely what kids are for, our amusement…

  20. Upstatemamma
    March 23, 2012 | 2:32 am

    That is hysterical!! I am the anti crafty mom so I know better then to even attempt the many crafty ideas that pinterest offers me. :)

  21. Candice@NotesFromABroad
    March 23, 2012 | 4:23 pm

    Oh dear, why is it that no matter what happens to them, how much dirt or paint or whatever they get into, they still look so adorable and sweet ?
    Even with teeth missing !
    besos. C

  22. Jeanne
    March 23, 2012 | 5:05 pm

    Smarter–and substantially more sober.

  23. The Beaver Bunch
    March 23, 2012 | 6:13 pm

    Oh my word. That’s hysterical. Some (incredibly talented) friends of ours painted mustaches on their sleeping kids one night just for fun. I told Luke about it a few nights ago and now we want to try it.

    This post might serve as my warning since I have ZERO craftiness.

    Or, maybe I’ll just ignore your flawed attempt and scar my own kids.

    Yeah. Option 2 sounds good.

  24. Ashley
    March 24, 2012 | 3:26 am

    Oh my goodness–laughing so hard right now. The things we do to our children without thinking… I was trying to entertain Amelie while we were waiting for the passengers on our plane to get off (we of course sit in the very back so as to not torment everyone) and I thought I’d toss her into the air to make her laugh. Instead I threw her into the ceiling of the plane and made a horribly loud noise, leading everyone nearby to turn around and look at me and be horrified at my terrible parental judgment. Luckily the ceiling of the plane is made out of plastic coated cardboard, so she just laughed, but it definitely made me rethink how I get these ideas. Thank goodness kids are forgiving and resilient! Love that picture–so priceless…

  25. tracy@sellabitmum
    March 24, 2012 | 4:57 pm

    So funny. OMG! Yeah, Pinterest is for looking only(for me too). xo

  26. MommyNamedApril
    March 25, 2012 | 3:57 am

    i’m impressed that you even attempted it. ;-)

  27. Monilyn
    March 25, 2012 | 2:27 pm

    Wow, what a mess! LOL It was fun though, my daughter and I made several of the balloon molds, they are still hanging to dry. Hopefully they’ll work!

  28. jen
    March 25, 2012 | 7:27 pm

    i remember you made me jealous that i wasn’t as cool a mom as you … until the next morning … when i was super glad that i had just decided to go with the green milk trick.

  29. Lady Jennie
    March 25, 2012 | 7:29 pm

    Oh dear. I feel SO much better about myself. ha ha ha ha No seriously, all I can say is – a mom like you would even think to do such a prank is a good mommy. And at least the tooth fairy remembered. (ahem – #toothfairyfail over here).

  30. Zia Courtney
    March 26, 2012 | 2:13 am

    Hahaha You make me laugh at this but in fairness he is still cute even he has dirty face.

  31. Bon
    March 26, 2012 | 1:01 pm

    catching up and laughing. how i love you. :)

  32. Kimberly
    March 26, 2012 | 2:10 pm

    Don’t worry, everyone has a parenting fail every now and then – even those of us who aren’t parents yet!

    For example, did you look at ALL the Elfie Rojo’s Mischeif photos? The one that says “5 More Days” has a lovely magazine in the background. Surely a good read for children. ;)

  33. Jennifer
    March 31, 2012 | 2:14 pm

    Ha! I was actually thinking as I sadly flipped through Pinterest that between the Elf on the Shelf, Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and now all the traps for the frigging leprechauns that this generation of kids is probably going to grow up to be paranoid and slightly insane. I still remember when I was a child and the closest any of these things came to being real was the creepy old person in the bunny costume at the mall. I have more to say but need to go dump glitter on my son’s face so he will think the tooth fairy visited him in his sleep. Again.

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