Red Umbrella

Matt and I toured Pompeii trailing behind this neat, crisp Italian woman with a red umbrella. It was both the best of days and the worst of days, depending on whether we looked at the situation with humor or horror in any given moment. We'd signed up for the tour off of our cruise ship and subjected ourselves to the care of Red Umbrella Woman on purpose. There was no one to blame.

We hung way back behind the last stragglers in the group, plaguing Red Umbrella Woman with our tardiness all day, and alternated between amusing ourselves by mocking her and grumbling in irritation. (We also stopped to gape in UTTER horror as a fifty-ish adult man in full possession of all of his facilities, pried a piece of rock from a 2000 year old building and dropped it into his camera case as a souvenir. We actually looked around to see if we were a part of some kind of horrible reality show that parodies obnoxious tourist behavior to see how fellow travelers will respond. But no, the guy was just an asswipe.) She kept up a never-ending chirpy stream of information and instructions while always moving us onward, our fearless leader, red umbrella open and held high above her head.

I had an uncomfortable revelation, about four o'clock today, after a long, busy day of never ending instructions and information. Put on your pants, don't throw your cup, put on your shoes, you should really still be wearing your pants, go and use the bathroom, that is a peanut bar, it's your snack, stay with me, keep up, don't straggle, I need good listening, when did I tell you we could do that, the pants, truly, I don't jest, that is a present, it's not for you, yes you can give it to him, there will be cake, please hold the stroller, stay with me, cars!, don't straggle, I said there would be cake, not right this minute, you must be wearing pants to eat cake, don't touch that, don't touch that either, it's bird seed, birds eat it, No!, Wait!, birds eat it, go upstairs and take off your pants, pajamas on, where are you, teeth, pick books, get in bed, iloveyouohmygodgoodnight.

All I lacked was the red umbrella. And if they would follow it, I would carry one.

(Come back earlier than usual tomorrow morning. I have a new toy and it's going to be a fun day around here. For me, at least.)

I'm closing my comments for most of the month of November while I participate in National Novel Writing Month and National Blog Posting Month. I can't ask you to talk to me every freaking day for thirty days. That's cruel and usual punishment. My email is always open - anymommyoutthere@gmail.com.


E&E Tally: 13747 words
Blog posts: 20/30