What I want to know is does this stuff happen in other people's dining rooms, or is my house...special?
Yesterday morning, my ham-eating husband, my one true love, my soul mate, my more disgusting other half, sat at the breakfast table with our three small children while I worked on rinsing the breakfast dishes and cleaning up the kitchen.
Suddenly, an enormous, explosive noise, for lack of a more delicate word, blasted in the dining room.
Ess: (My three year old daughter. I feel like this is important. I'm not sure why, but maybe it has something to do with my thought that we might try to avoid teaching incredibly offensive behavior to our toddlers.) What was that?
Matt: Barking spiders.
Ess: Barking spiders?
Matt: Yep, did you see them?
Ess: Yes, I saw them.
Matt: Really?
Ess: Yes.
Matt: Did you see them, or did you hear them?
Ess: Um, I saw them.
Matt: You did? Where?
Ess: In your pants, Daddy!!
Matt: (unable to control his mirth) In my pants?? Why would there be barking spiders in my pants?
Me: (at the door with a dishrag in my hand) Seriously? Are you seriously talking to our young, impressionable children about barking spiders in your pants?
Gee: Daddy?
Matt: Yes, Gee?
Gee: Do they tickle?
I have nothing to add. It kind of speaks for itself doesn't it? Stands alone. Like my husband's pants. I just stood in the doorway with a dishrag in my hand, staring. In amazement. Fascinated amazement. I can't wait for one of my children to choose the most inopportune moment possible to ask an adult I don't know well, who has just passed gas, if they can see the spiders in their pants.
Completely obnoxious stereotype alert: My husband is such a boy!
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
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36 comments:
I think I hear the barking spiders comment at least once a day around here. And that's just from my husband. It's only a matter of time before the three-year-old is chiming in...
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Only way to explain that one.
I think our houses are the same type of normal. Except here, it's not the barking spiders. It's called busting a grumpy.
Aye, carrubma.
Your daughter is hysterical! And Anyhusband is pretty funny too! When he turns 7, like my son, he will go through a phase of making arm farts. This phase will last for a few years. Just so you know.
Nope, not just your house. When I saw this post this morning, I had to laugh as we just last night had some of our kidless friends over for dinner. We were laughing at something which led to me sharing what our life has become and what I overheard as I was cleaning up today and my boys were using the bathroom. It involved a play by play on what they were each doing while they were "going" (our guy is still on the potty chair) for about 2 minutes which ended with a prompt "Get your hand out of your butt!" I also stood in the next room in amazement of how nothing phases me anymore.Nothing. But I must say I/we are totally guilty of using barking spiders as our tag line. Thanks for the early morning laugh!
I've discovered that the male of the species finds scatological humor hysterical from about the age of three until fifteen minutes after clinical death. Just so ya know...
No barking spiders here. But Bunny all on her own without any help from Bubs (ok maybe he laughed) thinks that farts and burps are hysterical. She has to tell us everytime it happens even if we were in the same room and already know it.
I'd never even heard of barking spiders until I started dating my husband. Now the topic comes up at least once a week. My kids get a kick out of it, too. D. also thinks it's funny to blame the kids when he passes gas. Yes, such a boy.
Of course, when we first started dating I had him convinced for nearly a year that I never passed gas. That was pretty entertaining, too.
At least he didn't call it a trouser snake. That could be totally misconstrued.
I've never heard barking spiders before...quite clever! My dad used to say it's mice. I'll give him an A- for craetivity, but a D+ for grossness...boys...
Marinka...my 6 yr old son does knee pit farts...he thinks they are hyserical. He makes songs with them.
THAT is disgusting. I honestly had no clue what he was talking about and had to reread it before crinkling my nose. EW. MEN!!!
yes, we have barking spiders here too, but we kindly refer to them as rocky mtn barking spiders! You must have a different species. I think it's all in good potty humor fun!
my hubby calls them Tennessee barking spiders. And when we are in GA visiting family they are called GA barking spiders.
Isn't it lovely meal time conversation? I am not sure if men ever really grow up completely. Our poor offspring :)
My husband says it's FROGS in his pants. I don't know, which is worse??
It is SO good to know I'm not alone. Now, why don't I live closer to all of you, so that our kids can go to the same school and I don't have to worry about mine teaching anyone about barking anything.
Valerie - It is amazing how often it comes up. Not that I, ahem, never stink, but do we have to discuss it every time.
Kym - I haven't heard that one. I'm going to make a list.
Marinka - Aha. He has a few years before he's as mentally old as your son.
Vosberg - I'm not there yet, but I know I will be.
Melissa - So, what you're telling me is that with two boys, it's going to get a lot worse before it gets better?
Butwhymommy - Bunny is a delightful evil genius.
R.E.M. - That is good. How did you pull that off?
Caroline - Oh. That's going to have me giggling all day.
Luanne - Mice huh? Too quiet for this house.
Tracey - I was afraid I might offend your delicate sensibilities.
EatPlayLove and Ashley - I had NO idea there were different species. I'm going to bust out a barking spider variation the next time we travel. Gives me something to look forward to!
Andrea - I'd personally rather have a frog in my pants than a spider.
Jeremy wakes me up with his spiders. He also has the lovely habbit of, once expelling said spider in bed, lofting the blankets up and down to get the smell out... and into my nose.
Sicko.
Why are men so fascinated with their abilities to pass gas when and wherever they please, and it seems to be okay? I live with five boys who all think it's funny. I do not. :) (most of the time)
Oh yes, we have lots of those around here. Now my twenty-one month old is doing it. The other day while I was changing his diaper he farted, looked at me and cracked up. Nice, eh? You're not alone, don't worry!
LMAO yes this sounds all too familiar. When Mister Man and I lived with my parents my Dad did that and he swore up and down there was an elephant under his chair. Mister Man got down from his chair and crawled all around looking for it and couldn't find it. My Dad convinced him he was hiding. It's definitely a man thing...
I'd never heard of barking spiders before! We always say that someone stepped on a duck. Somehow, my kids don't get giggly about farting. It might be because Emma is CONSTANTLY farting. We've even had to make a rule that you can't fart when you're sitting on someone's lap. I guess after awhile it's just not funny any more. I'm sure that will change when Cam gets older.
Truda
That is too funny. And smart too!!!
My husband calls them barking spiders, too!
This is not the first time I've wondered if our husbands are the same person.
My husband blames his on the kids. He'll argue with them forever about it. My dad's was an elephant that lifted him out of his chair.
Sadly, they never outgrow it.
Barking spiders?!? I think you're all barking mad. I've never heard them referred to that way...and I was OK with that, really.
OK, I'm dying over here. I am SO immature!
I must be out of the loop. I thought barking spiders was your husband being... odd. Apparently, that's a "normal" term. Huh.
Personally, I'm REALLY excited for the story to come about Ess or Gee asking someone if they can see the spiders in their pants. I'm giggling just thinking about it.
Yes, that definately will come out in conversation. AND your kids will teach other kids that passing gas is barking spiders.
We have mice on motorcycles at our house. Also, my husband needs his finger pulled a lot.
What is it with male's and potty humor? My daughters never got into potty talk, but my son uses poo-poo every chance he gets.
yep...we've got 'em here, but never has anyone reacted the way miss ess has. make sure to stomp on them when they run by or they may come back.
when I read your title I KNEW what you were talking about! My hubby started the barking spider thing when Bitchy was little, and we ALL know what they are! The Golden Boy would also say,"Those barking spiders smell like rockin' eggs..." haha. Those were the days.
My three year old ripped one the other day and blamed the dog . I don't think Daddy has ever been more proud.
Incidentally, I had never heard of the 'barking spider' euphemism before this post.
I have never heard of barking spiders before what a funny name for gas.
Wait! You call FARTS barking SPIDERS?!?!?!? I have NEVER EVER HEARD THAT ONE, and I THOUGHT I KNEW EVERYTHING!!!!
YOu may just be my new hero!
Too cool!
Oh, we have called them "shooting bunnies" before... like as in... "Who is shooting bunnies?!?!?"
But Barking SPIDERS!?!?!?
I am still miffed over that one and cannot WAIT to use it on them!
LOL!! Hilarious!
I can so see my husband doing this (if we had kids...) These days? He farts then blames it on the dog. Oh yes.
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