My mother always told me that pillow talk is sacred. But, I'm still giggling and I just can't resist. I bring you pillow talk, anyparents style.
Soft light filters in the open window. A breeze finally blows through our suffocating, unairconditioned upstairs, assisted into greater life by the ceiling fan directly above our bed. The sheets are relatively clean. The children are silent. I shift and sigh, settling into the comfort of my pillow.
Me: I smell poop. Did you leave a dirty diaper somewhere?
Him: No, that was me again.
Me: Sheesh. Having trouble today?
Him: No, you're just hypersensitive today.
Me: I am not hypersensitive, you've been crop dusting and clearing rooms all day.
Him: Hyper. Sensitive. It barely escapes my butt and BAM! You're on me.
(Pregnant pause.)
Me: Like flies on shit?
Him: ....
Me: Uncontrollable, choked (the kids are sleeping) laughter.
Him: I'm glad you amuse yourself so much.
Me: Me too.
Me: Goodnight.
Him: Goodnight.
That sound you hear is the sound of romance rolling over in it's grave. Dead and gone, two kids ago. And yet, the love remains.
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25 comments:
got a giggle out of me.
I think I have finally gotten this thing to let me comment and just in time too. I laughed til I cried at this one but do have one question. "At what age did you start eaves dropping on dad and I?"
I did have tears from laughter today, but have cried real tears at many of the other postings. I am so proud to be the mother of such a incredible woman and grandmother to their wonderful children.
I had to do a double take and make sure it wasn't me that wrote that blog post. It sounded so familiar to the conversations my husband and I have! Ha! Thanks for sharing!
When you change diapers as often as we do (and pick up dog poop - in my case) I can smell it before it even hits air. My nose is so super sensitive to that now it is not even funny...
At least he didn't blame it on the cat like mine always does. Very cute.
Ahh, life with kids. Ain't it grand?
Wow, that sounds a lot like our house. Except here, I don't even pretend to blame it on the baby. It's a straight up "Did you do a shit fart!?" And he says, sheepishly, "Yeah..." And then I say "DUDE! You KNOW that you're supposed to FEBREEZE that crap! GOD!"
:-)
What was that about romance?
Um, romance? Even on dates, my husband doesn't spare me.
yeah, romance has flown right out our open window too.
damn lack of air conditioning.
hey...if they can blame their issues on something/someone...i can blame the romance thing on something too.
Remember: Love means never having to say excuse me. :)
Ah, you guys are making me laugh too. Romance is relative.
Hi, mom! Thank you.
I think there is a button on my husband's right shoulder. Every night he kisses me goodnight then rolls onto his side. And I roll onto my side. And EVERY night after about 30 seconds...
Bwaaaaah.... And the cloud floats over me.
Sometimes it's toxic. Sometimes it's only mildly offensive. But I swear to God, it's EVERY night.
HAHA!! Just be glad that your fan is on the ceiling! We have a standing fan. On my husband's side of the bed. Yes. So whenever he lets one go, if gets blasted right into my face. Ahhhh love.
Yes, the love remains. The humor is part of the glue.
My hubs often tries to warn me if it's going to be particularly bad. However, sometimes he thinks it was a small pass. Those are often the silent but deadlies that all but blow the windows out of my bedroom window. They also kill the air.
Ever see air DIE? Not pretty.
imommy - that's called a "shart"! I actually had to ask my husband two nights ago if he wore his jeans without any underwear on. He blamed the shart stain on having too many dried apricots. gag!
Hilarious!! My husband lets me check both kids' diapers before he starts laughing :)
That is hilarious! Oh my!
*giggle* Thank you for that laugh...sounds vaguely familiar in this house too
Beth - So true!
Raising - I have and it is ugly.
Jenn - Yeah, he gets to wash his own underwear.
I had no idea there would be bonding over this. I thought you all might think it was rude to share. I continue to love blogging.
Your poor husband. It's hard when he's married to such a witty woman!
Ha, love it! Sounds like a scene from our house, and I love the 'relatively clean' sheets. Four dogs sleep on our bed....I totally understand!
Ha, love it! Sounds like a scene from our house, and I love the 'relatively clean' sheets. Four dogs sleep on our bed....I totally understand!
OH honey, too funny. I think we're living parallel lives or something! We have endless conversations about my husband's digestion and debates about wether it does or does not stink THAT bad. It does.
insta-mom: I'm going to have to ask you to stop sleeping with my husband immediately!
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