Gee has been sobbing for 90 minutes now that he doesn't want to wear his la-la panties. (AKA Elmo, as in la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la, ELMO'S WORLD). He peed on the floor first thing this morning. I didn't count on the tracking. I had to add a new symbol to the Messter Map for tracking of pee-pee. I also didn't really think about the baby problem. If I can't stay on top of him, I will also need a need a symbol for baby snail trail of pee-pee when he slithers through the mess and then slimes his urine trailings across my floor. Oh, because he doesn't crawl, he does a modified foot-propelled slither.
LALALALA, LALALALA STACEY'S WORLD.
On the brighter side, a huge picture of Cue graces the cover of the Today section of our local paper this morning. I was interviewed about my switch to BPA free bottles. HSSH brought the picture up to show me at 6:00 a.m. this morning and I straggled downstairs to grab some coffee while he read the article.
"Do I sound dumb?" I ask, peering over his shoulder. "Do I? Sound dumb?"
HSSH peruses the article and cracks up. "No, not really. But, did you say this?" he asks me, pointing. The article quotes me: "I'm not a freaker-outer," she says. "I also don't often make a change. But once Canada (announced its pending ban), I noticed."
"Um, I don't know. Yeah, I mean, probably, that sounds like me."
"I'm not a freaker-outer?"
"Well, I'm not. I think it makes me sound cute and human. Not stuck up and obnoxious like I do everything perfectly for my kids."
"I think she's making fun of you."
"No, she's not! Megan wouldn't do that. She's lovely. She's just portraying me as real. I like it. What should I have said, Mr. correct grammar at all times?"
"I don't freak out easily? I'm not easily freaked out?"
"Same meaning," I sneer. "Less pizzazz. That's why I get interviewed for the paper and you push pills for a living."
"Low. At least I make a living."
"Really low."
"The kids are about to fall through the ceiling, maybe you should get them up."
"I'm dreading the first day of potty training. I'm procrastinating. Plus, maybe if I leave them up there long enough, they'll pee their morning pee in their diapers. It's going to be a long day."
"Good thing you're not a freaker-outer."
"Good thing."
As I type this, Ess and Cue are fighting over the Elmo potty. Ess would like to sit on it constantly. She is supremely motivated by the M&Ms. My girl. Cue would like to play with it. There is nothing in the entire house, no toy, no sharp object, not even the TV remote, that he would rather play with than the #(%&$ Elmo potty. Garrett has resigned himself to the la-la panties, but he insists on sitting on my leather couch. Poo poo imminent, I'm sure.
I just had to take a break from my up-to-the-minute crack reporting. Gee peed on the baby's head. I kid you not. I could not make this shit up. I have created the baby slime trail symbol. It appears I shall need it. But, when I carried Gee to the Elmo potty, a single drop of urine landed inside of it and I was able to give him an M&M. Progress, no?
It's now 9:35 a.m. Is it too early for a rum and coke? What about a glass of wine?
I am not a freaker-outer, I am not a freaker-outer, I am not a freaker-outer.
LALALALA, LALALALA, THAT'S STACEY'S WORLD!
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17 comments:
We're going to start potty training my youngest this Saturday because I'm too much of a wimp to do it by myself during the week. You're not alone! :)
When we were potty training MANY years ago (thank god) I told my husband that I had trained the dog, I could do no more with the child and the child was his turn now.
I think boys are harder to train than girls.
Holy cow!! That is some FUNNY stuff. I am NOT laughing at you. More like with you (you are laughing, right?). And the map? Too funny...I especially enjoy the name of your rooms and am really intrigued about what goes on in the dark, filthy area...
GOOD LUCK! I can't wait to check progress later...
potty training is the worst thing in the world. my boys are six and ten now and i am still scarred. ok -- don't freak out (ok, you are not a freaker outer, remember that) BUT my boys were two days past four and almost four respectively when they were potty trained. i fought my first one tooth and nail FOR TWO YEARS. with the second kid i said, screw it, we're waiting until you are three and 11 1/2 months unless you are interested before that. he wasn't. it took two days.
good luck.
eat the m and ms yourself.
Well that decides it for me - diapers for life!
lol. potty training is so much fun! I've started trying to get my youngest to go on the potty, she's still only 18 months so I'm not in a rush but if she could be like her sister and be fully trained by the time baby gets here, that'd be great. she refused to pee on the potty though, she sits there playing for awhile then gets off and either pees on the floor or in the pullups.
and freaker-outer is a good word! I think I might steal it for my everyday lingo :)
I am in hysterics over here. I wish I would've had a map for messes when we started...and, hey, I didn't start til my baby girl was, ahem, not particularly a baby anymore so I completely get it. I also know that you are right, Megan was not making fun of you! I think we can all be divided into the freaker-outer and non-freaker-outer categories! : )
Laughing with you (definately not at you).
Maybe they each need their own Elmo potty. Like cats usually need their own litter boxes. :)
Ok maybe we won't start next week. Maybe we'll wait until next year.
I'll be waiting to see how the rest goes.
OMG - that is so funny - love the map! I spent last summer training my now almost 4 year old boy and am now spending this summer training my almost 3 yr old boy - so I can totally understand your pain. Good luck, just remember you are not alone :-)
Sigh. Am tired. Ess was easy. She didn't have an accident all day. Boys are dumb, I'm beginning to think. Or very, very stubborn. He so wanted those m&ms, but he just kept peeing on the floor. Tomorrow is another day. I am still resolved to stick it out for a week.
Thanks for laughing with me (and at me is okay too)! I have had my glass (or two) of wine now and the day doesn't seem as bad looking back.
Madge - I ate my body weight in m&ms today.
Awake - We definitely need more Elmo pottys. The Elmo potty wars continued throughout the day.
OMG, he peed on the baby's head?! I am so not laughing.
Really.
(giggle)
Your blog has cracked me up today! Everyone needs a little laugh after chasing a toddler around the bathtub for 45 minutes trying to comb out her hair before you spend the next 2 hrs putting in her "NEW DOO".
Keep up the potty training. It is going to click. Its all in the dealing out of the M&M's. I threw in a few Dora stickers for good measure. We are nearly 2 weeks into it and dare I say....it is going OK!
Loved you wedding hairstyle for your daughter. I have and love those very same snaps.
Keep us posted on potty training!
Shari (adoptive mom)
Hey, Stacey... So been there... so done that... so sorry... so glad I am NOT there right now!!! If it makes you feel better I will fly out there right now and do your daughter's hair for you!!! LOL!!
Thanks for the nice comment on my blog, I have no idea how to reply to those things, so I guess this is the best way!
My potty training advice...After 6 of them #5 and #6 were both almost 4!! #1 and #2 were both just over 2 years... I guess I got tired.
Good Luck!!
Pam
Potty training, ugh!! I have been doing it with my three year old daughter this summer and it is slow going.
Good luck, I know my two boys eventually got potty trained :)!
Yay to Ess for using the potty! Girls are easier (and faster and younger) to train than boys. They aren't ... dumb. They're just busy developing the bug squishing gene instead of the potty training one.
I'm almost afraid to check to see what the map looks like tomorrow :)
Elmo potty wars -- LOL. I hope this is going better for you. Sorry about the freaky photo... it is actually art. I tried to pick one that people would wonder if she was real or not. You can always check out my flickr photos to see more. They are actually really cool.
OH, and btw - consider yourself tagged.... http://wfbdoglover.blogspot.com/2008/06/ok-i-copied.html
:)
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